This website is the private work of Vincent McGovern. It’s purpose is to help parents stay involved with their children post divorce/separation.

Obviously, there are some I cannot help, deep trauma manifests itself in many ways; controlling emotions and intellect can be compromised.

My credentials: 43 hearings in my own case, 38 as a Litigant In Person, 5 Ombudsman Investigations with 3 being Parliamentary Ombudsman (2 of which were against Cafcass, Children and family court advisory support service) I have also assisted at the EU Petitions Commission in the first ever investigation by them into Systemic Failings in the UK Family Court System. In 2021 my book, The War On Dads & Children (How To Fight It , And Win) was published

There are numerous videos of my work online, I recommend the truly excellent one with Ann Widdecombe; Heresies: Episode 7. My part is from 19.36 minute to 36 minutes.

In my voluntary work I have hosted countless meetings helping usually fathers to retain a relationship with their children.

I recommend that you attend the weekly meetings hosted by Both Parents Matter / Families Need Fathers, and especially the excellent Central London Branch which take place at 8pm every Monday. The Cock Tavern, 23 Phoenix Road, London, NW1 1HB. Contact details are John at 07387 022 313 or Sergio at 07923 851 665.

These meetings are on a first come first served basis, newcomers first and then returnees. The meetings are formally chaired for 2 hours, then informal.

The meetings are run under the Chatham House rule. This means that what is said at the meeting stays at the meeting, no recording is allowed; do not mention your partners or your children’s names, your first name only.

Explanation about the meeting format:

It is a shared parenting charity, not a men’s rights group.

They support parents of either gender who are having difficulty maintaining a proper parenting relationship with their children post-divorce or separation.

There are 4 things they do not wish to focus on:

1. How wonderful you may believe you are.
2. How much you love your children or they love you.
3. How bad your ex-wife/husband/partner has become.
4. How bad you believe the system is.

The reasons why they do not wish to focus on the above 4 are very simple:

1. They accept you love your children, and that (if allowed), they love you.
2. You once loved the other parent.
3. The system is cruelly and unnecessarily adversarial.

What they do focus on:

1. What is the current situation?
2. What can they do to help you?
3. To get there as efficiently as possible, they ask 8 questions at the beginning of each presentation from the attendees. They are in the following order:
   • Your first name.
   • Your marital status.
   • Children, ages and gender NB: (no names).
   • Parental responsibility (yes or no).
   • Membership of the charity (they will help but ask you to join).
   • Geography i.e. which area(s) do the parties live in (no addresses).
   • Any cautions, charges or convictions.
   • Any application or proceedings in the family court.

The meeting Host may ask some other questions, e.g. how long since separation, how often do you see your children, etc. Then, and only then, will they ask you what do you want from the meeting, and to address it briefly. There then follows advice from the chair and committee, plus possibly other attendees of experience. This usually involves a discussion between you, the chair, and whoever else is asked to speak by the chair.  They always aim for the best practical solution in the circumstances, and many a parent (usually fathers who represent 90% of attendees) report how wonderful it is to have honest, experienced knowledge simply explained. Confusion is terrible and nearly always due to lack of knowledge; knowledge is power. Use it wisely!

The only people with rights in this situation are the children. The welfare of the child is the paramount consideration. Neither parent has meaningful rights under Article 6 or 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights, (they are qualified, not absolute). Parental Responsibility does NOT give you the right to see your children when you are not living with them.

There is a process which is far too often much too slow and usually very biased, especially against fathers. Many agencies are very anti-father. Remain calm and child focused. Believe in yourself and your worth as an individual. You are a parent, so be proud of it, and fight to love your children. They desperately need the love of both parents.

There are other invaluable sections in this website and excellent information from the much larger website: The Custody Minefield. Read, learn, and remember when you believe the situation is impossible, many of us have managed to turn it around. I hope to do the same for you.